What Chris Benoit Wrote After the Funeral of Ray ‘Big Boss Man’ Traylor

The following is a transcript of the entry in Chris Benoit’s journal on September 25, 2004. A copy of the document was given to me by Chris’s father, Michael Benoit. According to Mike, the writings left behind by Chris suggest that Ray “Big Boss Man” Traylor was one of his two best friends in wrestling (the other being Eddie Guerrero, who would die a year later).


22nd of September 2004 Ray Trailor passed away from a heart attack. I dont remember the first time I met Ray, but that seems to be with alot of my life. I dont know if its because Ive lost a lot of memories because of bumbing, or if I just dont like looking in the rear view mirrors too much. This one thing I hate about myself are these walls I put up around myself sometimes when I feel hurt and everything seems to be oblivious.

I loved Ray Trailor. he’s the only person that I know that Ive never seen in a bad mood, or not smile, or not make me smile, EVER. He always made time for me, whether to talk or to lend a helping hand. Ray Trailor was a real person. No guess work. I like to say Ray Trailor was a man’s man. He always used to say that about me, to me. I would spend days with him, and every half hour or so, though it seemed like every 5 minutes he would say “Chris Benoit, Have I told you I loved you yet.” And I used to laugh and he would laugh, but by the end of the day, whenever we were done doing whatever we were doing we would hug I and I would tell him I loved him. I used to laugh when I would hear that from him all day. I used to laugh thinking about it. Now I dont. But I know why he did it, and what he meant. Ray Trailor loved life and everything it offered.

It is Sept 25th today. I’m sitting on a plane on my way to Sioux City to wrestle. I just left Picket Mills Baptist Church where the service for Ray Trailor was held. I spent time with his wife Angie and two young daughter Lacey and Megan. I listened to some of his friends get up and tell stories that made me laugh while I was crying. The most emotional part was listening to his daughter Lacey talk. I wanted to take all her pain and sadness away. I pray that God gives them the strength and faith they need to get through this, Angie, Lacey, Megan.

As Nancy and I left the church and watched them put Ray’s coffin into the hearse. We both waved goodbye one last time and I thanked him in my heart and thanked God for putting him in my life and said I love you Ray.

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